you should visit me

Last weekend Annie visited me in Minneapolis for the first time. (Side note: It is really hard to convince people to visit you in Minneapolis. Everyone thinks it is always cold here, all the time. And I guess it doesn’t help that we’ve had the longest winter ever and when I look at my Instagram posts, all I see are pictures of snow. And some cats. And cats in snow. Apparently I’ve become the most boring person ever, which also doesn’t help when you’re trying to convince people to visit you.)

I asked Annie what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to see all of my favorite things. So I pointed toward the living room and said: “These are my cats.”

Just kidding. I swear, I didn't make Annie sit on the couch and inhale cat dander all weekend. I really do leave the house and do things besides shovel my driveway.

To prove it, here is a list of my Minneapolis favorites, the go-to spots I like to show out-of-town visitors. (Assuming anyone else ever visits. Seriously, please visit. I miss you.)

This is The Egg at Martina. It is unbelievable.

Eat

• Martina: They serve a chai-flavored cocktail in an egg-shaped vessel made of ice. Ice! It is amazing. And so is the rest of the menu.
• Revival: Because gluten-free fried chicken that tastes like real fried chicken. And if you don't like chicken, the burger is also incredible.
• Kyatchi: My favorite sushi spot. And they have wacky hot dogs. And awesome sake flights. And a black sesame panna cotta that I want to drown myself in. 
• Victor’s 1959 Café: Cuban brunch!
• Midtown Global Market: Korean fusion, camel burgers, pho, tacos, and a brewery all under one roof.
• Corner Table: $45 for a blow-your-mind, super-fancy three-course meal. And these folks also know their wines -- the list is impressive (and makes me miss my previous life in the wine world). 
• Gyst: A fermentation bar! And so much focus on the story behind what you're eating and drinking.
• Izzy’s Ice Cream: All of the ice cream. God, I love ice cream.

I could eat this fried chicken every day.

Drink

• Tattersall Distilling: Craft cocktails for like $8. A cool industrial space. Good people-watching.
• Constantine: More craft cocktails. Plus a $6 cheeseburger wrapped in paper -- sort of like fast-food heaven, but with a glass of fancy whiskey.
• Marvel Bar: Even more craft cocktails! But in a speakeasy setting. (Also, I'm realizing that I really don't go out for drinks very much anymore. I don't have a go-to neighborhood bar.)
• Surly: This place is cool if you can drink beer. I can't drink beer because it makes me crap my pants. But I'll be your DD and eat the meat board while you drink. 

Outdoor sightseeing

• Chain of Lakes: Best place for running, walking, paddle-boarding, people-watching, you name it. Love the lake lifestyle here.
• Minnehaha Falls: Because it's awesome to have a legit waterfall within city limits.
• Stone Arch Bridge: Iconic Minneapolis.
• Minneapolis Sculpture Garden: One of the first places Big Ginger took me when I visited him. It's been recently renovated and is gorgeous. And there's mini golf in the summer!

Current exhibition at my work.

Indoor sightseeing

• My place of employment: Admission is free, and there's something for everyone. And I'm so proud to work there!
• Guthrie Theater: See a show, or just walk to the balcony area and check out the amazing view of the Mississippi River.
• Wild Rumpus: A kids' bookstore with live animals! There is a cat, chicken, tarantula, ferret, chinchilla and more. I hate my parents for not bringing me here when I was a child. I don't care that they raised me in Southern California and we knew no one who lived in Minneapolis. That is beside the point.
• Open Book: Home to the Minnesota Center for Book Arts. I love the coffee shop (the chai is the best I've had in the city) and browsing titles at Milkweed Editions.

relationship insights

You are probably looking at this picture and wondering why the hell I am trying to set my coat closet on fire.

The answer: Someone (who shall remain nameless but who has a penis and lives in my house and isn’t a cat) shut the basement door last night, so the cats couldn’t get to the litter boxes.

So there was runny poop in the closet this morning.

And the entire house smells like runny poop.

And I was late for work today because I had to scrub the floor with enzymatic cleaner and then spray it with wood oil. And then that nameless someone (who thought the poop was a cat toy and picked it up with his bare hand, and naturally freaked out and dropped the poop on our shoes, so those had to be cleaned too) decided a scented candle would make everything better.

During times like these, I cling to the quote that goes something like, "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew poop, the runniest, stinkiest poop ever that binds people together through the years."

what's playing in the basement

Since I'm not swimming, I've been spending a lot of time on the trainer.

Which means I've been sitting in a freezing-ass basement, inhaling the warm aroma of kitty litter.

And watching a shit-ton of Netflix.

What I'm currently streaming:

The Great British Baking Show 
Premise: Amateur bakers compete for the title of U.K.’s best
Why it works for the trainer: I like to imagine that if I bike hard enough, I’ll ride right through the TV screen and face-first into a giant cake, gluten be damned.

The Keepers
Premise: A docu-series that investigates the unsolved murder of a Baltimore nun
Why it works for the trainer: Workouts fly by because I’m completely overcome with rage at the unfairness in the world and all the horrible people who do horrible things and get away with them. Seriously, is there no justice?

Black Mirror
Premise: Each episode of this British series is a stand-alone drama that critiques technology, media and our modern priorities
Why it works for the trainer: Just watch the second episode of season 1 while you’re on the bike. You’ll feel very, very weird.

the more, the merrier

I’ve done a lot of cat lady-esque things in my life.

Like the time I spent an hour in the bushes outside of work because I thought I heard a cat meowing and needed to rescue it immediately. (Spoiler alert: We never found it. And there may not really have been a cat. But I did get a nasty rash.)

Or this Halloween costume.

(Let’s be honest: Those are my normal clothes. I wear that robe every single day and have been known to spend entire weekends in those pajamas.)

Or how I flew back to Seattle for a night so I could get this tattoo.

Yes, it hurt. A lot.

But I think my recent trip to Austin qualifies as the most cat lady thing I’ve ever done. Annie and I met there at the end of January for a girls’ weekend of eating, drinking, and trying on ridiculous boots.

Everything was fine until I spotted these signs for a cat café.

Of course, I dragged Annie in there. And we hung out, had lattes and took photos. It was a very normal tourist experience, if having a strange cat put its butthole on the table next to your coffee qualifies as normal.

And then just as we were about to leave, this happened.

And so we spent our last day in Austin buying a cat carrier, going to the vet and basically prepping this little guy to become a Minnesotan. (I should've bought him a down jacket too.) I flew home with him (profuse apologies to everyone on my flight for all of the yowling). And now he lives in the land of ice and snow and has three sisters who have been semi open-minded about their new little brother.

One day, they'll all cuddle. I'm optimistic.

Welcome to Magnus, strong cat of the North.

winter continues to kick my ass

File this under most Minnesota thing ever: A snow shoveling injury.

Yes, that’s right. I obsessively shoveled our driveway so hard that I hurt my rotator cuff and haven’t been able to swim in over a week.

This is like a foot of snow.

Cow print athletic tape hiding my cupping bruise.

Winter: 1. Michaela: 0.