perhaps I'm overreacting, but

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Let's talk about this.


Your eyes do not deceive you: That is, indeed, a denture. I picked it up today and laughed while I was at the dentist's office. But the second I got to my car I freaked out. Because like I mentioned before, this whole process has become one big, ongoing shitshow. And I am probably going to have a giant gap in my mouth for months.

To be completely honest, that scares the crap out of me. I'm terrified I'm going to be ugly and in a lot of pain for a very long time, and people will run away from me. And I'm even more worried that missing a tooth is going to make me so self-conscious that I won't want to talk or smile or laugh, and guys, how the hell am I going to be me if I can't talk or smile or laugh? What if I lose my entire personality and become a shell of myself and just sit in the corner wearing a dry erase board? And how am I supposed to have a career as a public relations person if I can't publicly relate?

Other sources of anxiety: I'm supposed to run Saturday and do a brick Sunday; what if I can't work out? Or what if working out makes my gums rupture somehow and I start gushing blood from my mouth? And what if the denture doesn't fit? Or what if it looks so horribly fake that everyone just stares at my mouth during a conversation? And am I a vain, shallow person for worrying so much about what my mouth looks like? Also, what if I am the one freakshow who manages to die during the procedure or gets her jaw stuck open in an awkward position for the rest of her life?

Or: What if they extract the wrong tooth?

I freaked out so much that I had to go to Taco Time and eat my feelings. (Also, I don't know when I'm going to be able to bite into crunchy food again.)


Anyway, the procedure is at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow (or today, I should say, since it's now after midnight), and I'm currently trying to stay awake as late as possible because I have to fast -- no eating or drinking, not even water -- for eight hours prior. And I know if I go to sleep now without eating at least one more snack, I will likely kill someone out of hanger before I make it to the oral surgeon's office.

My last meal before surgery will be Doritos.

But before you judge, I did go to Rock Creek with Annie earlier tonight and eat half the menu.

Of course, I only took a photo of the asparagus and burrata. So predictable.

And then I went to the grocery store to stock up on soft foods.

So tempting. Especially since I already have a denture.

My refrigerator now looks like this:


Dear god, I hope I bought the right flavor of Jello. Because I'm going to be eating it for awhile.

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