so I got older

... but not necessarily wiser.

Check out my cans!

Since I'm a mature and sophisticated individual, I celebrated with a nacho cheese fountain (and a taco bar from El Camión) and invited all of my friends over. I told them that in lieu of gifts, I wanted everyone to gain 5 lbs. (Yes, I'm an asshole.)

This is normal.

We also drank an equally ridiculous amount of wine, including the vertical of Justin Isosceles I'd been saving for almost a decade. 

The 2000 was my favorite.

And when you pair excessive amounts of wine with excessive amounts of cheese, this is what happens:

Because posing with cheesy tots is sexy.

Thankfully, my parents were too busy being lovey-dovey and insanely cute to be embarrassed by their nacho cheese-covered, wine-soaked daughter.

Dear Mom: How do you not age ever?

What a night.

Somehow I overcame my nasty hangover (I swear, nothing makes you feel old like a terrible hangover) and went for a birthday ride.

Gah is for gorgeous!

And I gave myself the best birthday gift ever: I can now drink out of a water bottle while riding and not freak out and throw the bottle on the side of the road! Yes, folks, I can take that stupid bottle in and out of the cage! At freaking last! 

And it gets better: I can actually even take my sunglasses off and hang them from my jersey mid-ride. And I can get in and out of aero pretty easily now. And I can take my right hand off of the handlebars without losing total control.

Yes!

My favorite girl.