there are names for people like me

Today at work I got a phonecall from a telemarketer who was trying to sell me some sort of long-distance plan specifically for calling the Philippines.

She had heard I was Filipino, which I guess made me a prime target for her sales pitch.

The conversation went something like this:

Telemarketer: Mee-ka-ella [this is basically how my mom pronounces my name when she's pissed off at me], are you at work right now?

Me: Yes. You're calling me on my work line.

Telemarketer: This is not your cell phone, Mee-ka-ella?

Me: No. This is a land line.

Telemarketer: blah blah something I couldn't understand about a calling plan and then ... Are you Filipino?

Me: Yes.

Telemarketer: Are you full Filipino? Your mom and your dad are both Filipino?

Me: Yes.

Telemarketer: Mee-ka-ella, do you understand Tagalog?

Me: Yes.

Telemarketer: I'm going to explain the plan to you in Tagalog.

Me: OK ... but I won't be able to talk back to you since I don't speak Tagalog.

Telemarketer: But you understand Tagalog?

Me: Yes, but I don't speak it. My parents talk to me in Tagalog, and I talk back in English.

Awkward pause. Telemarketer kind of laughs at me.

Telemarketer: Mee-ka-ella, have you been to the Philippines?

Me: No. Not since I was born. We moved when I was 2.

Another awkward pause.

Telemarketer: Mee-ka-ella, I have a calling plan so you can call your relatives in the Philippines. How often do you call the Philippines, Mee-ka-ella?

Me: Never. All of my relatives live here. All of my aunts and uncles [this is kind of a lie but I hate telemarketers] and even my grandmothers.

Telemarketer: Do you have any Filipino friends, Mee-ka-ella?

Another pause as I mentally review my friends' cultural backgrounds.

Telemarketer: Any Filipino friends up there in Napa, Mee-ka-ella?

Me: Actually, no. I don't really have any Filipino friends.

Which makes the telemarketer start laughing. She tells me I'm very nice, wishes me a good day and hangs up.

And I'm left sitting there, at my desk: The only Asian person in my entire company (unless you count the Japanese sommelier that is working in the cellar right now, just for a few weeks).