procrastination

I finally used the gift certificate his parents got me for Christmas in 2004.

We went to Greens. We had a beautiful lunch, a table by the window. There were many sailboats. We could see the Golden Gate Bridge. I felt full.

*

Today when I called my mother, she was crying.

"We had to take her to a convalescent home," my mother said. "She wanted to go. Do you know what this means? Do you know what this means?"

Everything I know about my grandmother was told to me by someone else. ("Did you know your lola eloped?" "Did you know she is very romantic?" "Did you know at night she dreams that your lolo is talking to her? She thinks he wants her to go home.")

Our only conversations revolved around food. She would offer me something. Adobo. Soda. Rice. Lumpia. Orange juice. Whatever she had in the kitchen.

I always said no. "I don't like chicken." Or "I don't drink carbonated drinks -- they rot my teeth."

She would end up rummaging in her purse and handing me money. A $5 bill. "For your lunch," she would say.

Sadly, this is it. This is all I know.

*

Wasn't there a quote? Wasn't there something about "not doing today what you can do tomorrow"?

I worry that I wait too long. It is easy to lose track of deadlines.