work event, by the numbers

Monday, August 17, 2015

1: Major fundraising events benefiting a good cause but resulting in complete and total brain-frying

6: Guests hosted on a four-day media tour during the fundraising event

1: Guests who grew up in the Depression Era and didn't believe in wasting anything and downed every single glass of wine and got tanked and stood up in the middle of winery appointments and announced: "We are all so grateful to be here, but I have to leave right now"

1: Guests who received the nickname "Drunk Grandma" 

3: Cloth napkins used by Drunk Grandma during a dinner (which she left early) because she kept dropping them on the floor


1: Incidents involving Drunk Grandma sleeping in public

1: Incidents involving Drunk Grandma getting lost at Hempfest because she was grateful for her guided food tour of Seattle but had to leave "right now"

1: Incidents involving Drunk Grandma yelling at me for leaving her bag in a car only to discover she had the bag with her the entire time

1: Incidents involving Drunk Grandma forgetting her credit cards and ID in the hotel safe after she checked out

11: Frantic texts/calls between public relations people and/or the hotel to obtain the forgotten credit cards and ID and return them to Drunk Grandma

0: Wallets found in a hotel safe containing Drunk Grandma's credits cards and ID

2: Envelopes found in a hotel safe containing Drunk Grandma's credit cards and ID 

I can't even make this up.

3: Workouts missed because of the tour

8: Weeks left until Ironman Louisville

99: Percentage of guilt and stress due to missed workouts

3: Steaks consumed out of stress


1: Cocktail dress worn despite the steaks

3: Awkward cocktail dress photos taken with a toilet in the background

I also can't make this shit up.

1: Photo that says it all


1: Whiskey consumed at the Octopus Bar with Annie when it was all over

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