the weirder, the better

It's no secret that when encountering bizarrely-flavored food products, I'm like a moth to a lightbulb. Or a bee to a lavender field. Or a stoner to Taco Bell.

Which means I am absolutely thrilled about this:

Savory squeezable pizza to break up the saccharin monotony of gels and chews and bars! And the squeezable pizza actually does kind of taste like pizza -- if you imagine yourself pulling the cheese off a slice and using it to mop up the sauce and then eating only that part and throwing everything else away. Or if you imagine a tube of tomato paste, but with cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.

So just think how excited I was when I went to the grocery store yesterday and saw this:

Don't worry; not for the bike.

Pretty sure I shouted "Holy shit!" (Apologies if your kid heard me and then went home and started calling everything shit.)

I'm a truffle fanatic; I bought a bag. And I bought this flavor too:

I guess Lay's is doing a flavor competition right now. There was also this:

And this:

I'll have to go back for those next time.

So far, the truffle chips are horribly disappointing. Zero truffle flavor. They taste like parsley with cheese powder. I can't tell you how sad I am.

The biscuits and gravy chips, however, are so weird and fake that they're really good. I'm kind of tempted to head to the kitchen and eat more of them right now.