IMAZ race report: post-race

So what happens after?

If you're me, first you lock yourself out of the condo at 1 a.m. and start calling locksmiths. But then Arvan, who somehow can still think like a real person after 140.6 miles, looks around in the front yard until he finds the hide-a-key and all is saved.

You also don't really sleep very much. Because adrenaline and being so full of sugar from gels and sports drink.

But the not sleeping is good, since you have to get up early to stand in line to buy finisher's gear, which you vow never to take off your body. And then you make sure your bike is all set to be shipped home.

And then you play tourist.

Note the outfit, never taking that shit off.

And the whole time it really hurts to go up and down stairs, curbs included.

But it hurts more when you have to drop your loved ones off at the airport and it begins to hit you that the wedding weekend is over and now you must go back to normal life. And also: Why can't we buy acreage and be together forever on a commune of awesome? (It's not as creepy as it sounds, I swear.)

Other random thoughts from IMAZ that don't fit anywhere, so I'm listing them here:

1. Apparently my parents went to church at some point during the run because they thought I needed heavenly intervention after that horrible bike. (For real. Welcome to my Catholic childhood.)

2. A story I heard from another athlete: There was a guy who had nothing on but a blue Victoria's Secret-ish thong under his wetsuit, which was quite the surprise for the wetsuit strippers.

3. When the volunteer brought me my bike at T1, he called it the "mini bike."

4. Coach Mark got his first drafting penalty ever. It is a sore spot to this day. Don't bring it up.

5. Yes, in case you are wondering, I did eat a hot dog on the bike, just like I did on every long training ride. And no, I did not have to use the Immodium in my special needs bag. In fact, my nutrition was spot on.

6. Some spectators set up a bacon aid station on the run. I didn't eat any -- strange meat can be risky. (Interpret as you will.)

7. Recovery since has been weird. My body feels OK, but my temperature is all off. For about two weeks after the race, I was constantly freezing. I'm just finally getting back to normal.

8. My first post-race adult beverage was an Old Fashioned. At a restaurant called House of Tricks. No, there was no magic show. And no, it was not a brothel.

9. I still talk to Jason, JM and Carlton, the three guys I met on the run. We are trying to pick a race to do together in 2015.

10. Would I do another Ironman? Absolutely yes.