cue nerves now

Been so busy with work that I haven't had time to freak out over Portland. (Flew to Santa Maria again this past Sunday for more hot media action, then spent most of Monday driving back up, then went to the Food & Wine's American Wine Awards at Farm on Tuesday.)

But now I have a moment to sit and think about this weekend, and the following has occurred to me:

• What if I didn't get a long enough long run in? Can I really finish a marathon with just an 18-miler as my peak run? (My coach says I can. And so does my physical therapist and chiropractor. But all three of them are really accomplished runners who have been running pretty much all their lives. They're not newbies like me.)
• What if it rains -- a lot? I just checked the forecast, and there's a 60 percent chance of showers Sunday. I like running in the rain, but I live in California. Maybe Portland rain is crazier. What if my shoes get soaked? What if I have to run with blisters for 26.2 miles?
• What if my stupid leg starts acting up again? Or what if the Runner's Knee comes back? Or what if I develop a completely new and bizarre injury? Will I be brave enough to drop out of the race? (Sometimes, I think you have to be really brave to quit.)
• What if I come down with a cold because I have been working and traveling a lot lately and have been kind of stressed out?
• What if I get food poisoning the night before? Or worse: What if I get food poisoning during the race? (Dear Honey Stingers: Please do not fail me.)

But then again:

• What if an 18-miler is actually the key to my training and I end up with a new PR out of nowhere? (I did do a short tempo run tonight, and one of my splits was 8:56 -- haven't run that fast in ages.)
• What if this weekend turns out to be the most fun we've had during a race? And Neveia and I just talk and laugh through the whole thing. And neither of us is sore after. And we realize running a marathon is really not a big deal at all. And then we decide we want to start running ultras next. Or seriously think about Boston.
• What if I never hit the wall?
• What if the entire Portland experience is so fantastic that I tell Todd to pack himself and the cats up and hurry up and move because I am just not coming back?