here comes bridezilla

The shoe is the hard part.

First of all, I do not want to spend every single weekend at malls, outlet stores, Loehmann's (although god knows I adore Loehmann's and could lose myself in there for hours), boutiques, etc., looking for the perfect shoe. I would rather be eating burritos. Or signing up for more races. Or trimming my cats' claws.

Also, I hate the hideous white satin dyeables and basically anything that is billed as a "bridal shoe." (Who designs this stuff? Do they really think that just because you are getting married, you have no sense of style? Are brides that idiotic? Shoot me now.) But unfortunately, I can't choose my beloved stiletto because the wedding will be on grass, which means I will sink into the lawn and possibly get stuck and possibly fall and possibly make a complete fool out of myself. I also can't pick leather or satin because the grass will ruin it. And I tried going with flip-flops, but my mom freaked out.

This leaves me with few options (wedge? platform? go-go boots?) and tough logistics to navigate: I have to choose the right shoe without actually being able to try it on with the dress. In fact, by the time I get to try on the dress, the shoe needs to be finalized so the seamstress can alter the dress to fit the height of the shoe. (Why does this seem sort of ridiculous and backwards to me? Shouldn't they let you try on the dress to refresh your memory and then look for the shoe and then try on the dress again once you have everything you're supposed to have? Why is the wedding industry so frustrating?)

So I am conducting my shoe search in the most reasonable way I can think of: By ordering mass quantities of shoes in my size from online retailers that have free return shipping and a 365-day return policy, so that I can bring all of the shoes to the dress fitting and try them on with the dress and return anything that doesn't work/doesn't fit/looks ugly. (Oh, the bridal salon is going to love me. And my mailman will love me. And those online retailers will love me.)

The first shipment of shoes arrived yesterday. It was like Christmas all over again -- so many lovely boxes to unwrap! There were three pairs: Pewter peep-toe with a Cuban heel (so lovely and retro-looking and no sinking into the grass!), purple peep-toe (ended up being too big with too skinny a heel) and blue chunky closed-toe shoe (showed too much toe cleavage and wasn't dressy enough).

So far, pewter is winning. The other two will be going back.

(P.S. If you are still reading this and haven't hung yourself yet, I commend you.)